Blog Post

The Challenge

June 21, 2020

“I can’t do it. Every time I try again, I can’t. It is like it won’t work anymore.” I explained as I tried once again to use my ability.

“Why do you think this is a problem?” My instructor asked.

I didn’t want to think. I had been using my ability for so long. Only recently did I have to do something else.

“It just isn’t working,” I replied, trying to be vague, but could feel my chest tighten.

“Take time. We can continue to work on it more later.” My instructor walked off as I stood unsure of what to do next.

I didn’t want to do anything, nothing felt like it was right. Everything was off. Tomorrow I had to go to work back in town.

I walked through the forest as thoughts pulled at my head. All I wanted, all I wanted to be, all I had to do to get there. All I had to do just to live like a normal person.

I breathed as the wind went through my hair. I took my shoes off and walked on the solid earth, feeling it squish between my toes. 

I felt myself being pulled away as all thoughts of what was and what had to be slipped away.

My mind stopped for a while, all the thoughts running through it quieted.

My heart felt free, pulling me where my thoughts would have forbidden.

To the edge of a large cliff, with water below. 

The sky was open, blue, and beautiful. Perfect.

The waves looked rough, dark, and formidable. 

If only I knew my ability wouldn’t fail me when I needed it. That I could be what made sense to me, but the pressure was too much. With everything I had to be, everything I wanted. Like the great height of the cliff, all my thoughts taunted me, keeping me away from what I wanted most. 

The very thing that made sense. That pulled at me the way nothing else ever could. 

But it wouldn’t work. With everything I had to do. And even if I wanted to, I needed to get back and not take time away from what needed to be done before work the next day.

I sat on the ground debating what I should do. Follow my heart or listen to the thoughts in my head. 

Both had very good points. I had to be logical and get things done if I ever wanted to be the gifted individual I desired, but there was a part of me that tossed logic aside to delve into a world based on more than mere logic.

I had to be responsible, I couldn’t waste time. 

Placing my shoes back on I began the long walk back. The wind pushed me back into the direction my heart would gladly follow, but I had to be responsible, I had things to do.

My lesson for one. I had to use my ability. I could use it. I could force it and it would work. 

Wouldn’t it?

Everything that I was experiencing would only last a season. I could do all of this for one season. 

Things would change as they always had in the past and as they always would in the future. 

I could do this. 

“Back so soon?” My instructor asked, seeming to be very cheeky at the moment.

“I thought I would come back to try again.” 

“Where did you go?” 

“To the edge of the cliff.”

“That makes sense. You have a nice ‘just flown’ type of look. Did you use your ability?” 

“No, I thought I should come back. I have things to do after this and work tomorrow so I don’t have time or the energy to try it and fail there.”

“How do you know you would fail?”

“Because I can’t do it. Every time I try I can’t make myself. I have too much else to do to keep trying and not making any difference.”

“Do you not want to use your gift?”

“I want to use my gift. It is the only thing that makes me happy. It is what I was meant to do, to use to help others. I just can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because everything is too hard. There are too many things I have to do. Too much that I still need to get done. I can’t do it.”

“Distractions.”

“What?”

“What you are talking about are distractions. They are necessary for your journey, maybe even in ways that will help you to grow right now, but that is all they are. Distractions and challenges to make you grow and fight for what you want to do. You must work hard. Sometimes that means putting in the hard work, the time, and energy you may not have. You must decide what you want. And remember why you want it. Come with me and take your shoes off. Shoes are horrible for walking on good paths, it takes away the foots’ ability to find and feel the path they are on.”

I followed after, taking off my shoes as we walked the familiar path back to the cliff.

“What stops you from using your ability?”

“I don’t have time, I haven’t practiced in a while, or I’m tired.”

“And?”

“And what? That is it?”

“I very well do not think that is all!” My instructor scoffed, “What else?”

“I am afraid. Of failure. Of messing up and missing an opportunity to use the one thing in this world that makes me, feel like me. I don’t want to fail and not be able to use my gift and make an impact.”

“You, my dear, put more pressure on yourself than anyone ever could or would wish to place upon you. You must let go, first of the negativity, and secondly that there is any expectations of what you must be. You must live in the seasons you have. The challenges that come with them, see as a chance to grow. And use them to determine if what ‘feels right’ is really worth fighting for. Is your ability and all that you want worth putting in the hard work? Worth the hours of energy spent and the time you may not have to relax? Is it worth it?”

“Yes, but,”

“Butts are for sitting as my granddad would say! Are you willing to put in the work for what you want or are you going to give up? Are you willing to give up what feels like you are meant to do?”

“No, I want to work for it. I want to use my ability for myself and to help others.”

“Good. Now stop thinking of all that you can’t or all that you must and for griffin’s sake just do! Grow through the challenges, remember you are stronger than you think, believe, and go for it!”

I stared at the waters below and the sky above, breathing as the wind pulled my hair.

“What do you want right now?” My instructor asked as I smelled the salty air.

“There is a part of me that wants to jump off the cliff into the water below, but then there is the other part of me that is afraid of heights. Afraid to fall and not know if I can resurface after going so deep underwater.”

“Well, that is a decision you must make for yourself. I have a nice cup of tea waiting for me at camp. But I will ask, what side will you listen to?”

“No expectations right? No fear of failure?” I asked.

My instructor nodded, walking slowly back to camp.

I stood on the edge of the cliff looking out. 

“No more fear. Just go for it.” I whispered as I took the leap.

As the wind whipped past it felt exhilarating and terrifying.

The cold water hit, shocking my body as I started to think of what I needed to do, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t breathe. I would drown. 

I was going to drown. 

Breath, you know what to do. Don’t think, just go for it.

My senses began to work as I relaxed, taking control over what I overthought.

I felt my breathing ease, my legs become my dearest tail, and I smiled. 

I did it.

I moved my tail, pushing myself from the depths I had landed with ease.

I broke the surface and looked around.

This was it.

This was my place.

Where I felt safe, home.

And I could do it. 

I could use my ability after such a  long time of not knowing how.

I could use it to help anyone who didn’t have a tail find safety in calmer waters.

I remembered why I loved my ability: I could help people and do what I loved doing.

This was it. I found it. My tiny place in such a big, big world. 

And for the first time in a while, I felt like myself again.

We all have challenges. Whether it is work, our time, our energy, or just the fear of failure. It can keep us from becoming the people we could be, or using the gift that we were given. 

The challenges can look daunting and we forget why they are there. 

To help us grow, and maybe they are there for more logical purposes, like paying those pesky bills. 

The point is they are there, and we can use them to keep us away from what we want, or we can use them to prove just how much we want to go for our dream.

Is it worth it? 

I believe it is, no matter how daunting, how tiring. 

It is worth it! 

You have an amazing gift to contribute, no matter who you are, where you come from, or what you have been through.

You have an amazing gift.

Don’t let the challenges of this life take that away from you, let them grow you and your gift, and remember:

 For Griffin’s Sake Just Do!!!